Pabi Moloi ON: Motherhood, Sobriety & AffirmationsApr 11, 2021
Learn about motherhood from an amazing mother and high performer, discover how affirmations can transform your life and hear how sobriety can make lasting changes in your life.
Pabi Moloi is an Award Winning TV Talk Show Host, incredible Mum, Sobriety Advocate, Voice Artist, Light worker and all round amazing human.
Our conversation was simply incredible and it was evident that Pabi is committed to excellence in so many area's of her life. My personal takeaway was that it's vitally important that we are RELENTLESS in the pursuit of our dreams. And when we come up against obstacles, we must find a way to dig deep and face those challenges head on.
Be sure to go and follow her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/pabimoloi/
Not to be missed...
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[The following is the full transcript of this episode of The Life On Purpose with James Laughlin Show. Please note that there may be small moments where grammar goes off track - this is simply due to the fact that the LIVE episode was converted to full long-form transcript. For weekly motivation, please subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Youtube.]
Pabi Moloi, James Laughlin
James Laughlin 00:00
Welcome to life on purpose. My name is James Laughlin, former seven time world champion musician and now success coach to leaders and high performers. Each week, I bring you an inspiring leader or expert to help you live your life on purpose. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show. Winnie Mandela once said, "There is no longer anything I can fear. There isn't any pain I haven't known." And J.Lo once said, "You have to remember the value of your individuality, that you have something special and different to offer that nobody else can." Pabi Moloi is an award winning TV and radio talk show host from South Africa. She is an absolute powerhouse of a human. Joy totally emanates from her and she inspires hundreds of 1000s of people. In today's episode, we have the most incredible conversations about her personal habits that help her to succeed, the balance of motherhood and career and her vision for the future. I want to say a massive welcome to Pabi Moloi. Pabi, I'm so excited to welcome you to the life on purpose podcast. Thank you so much for taking the time.
Pabi Moloi 01:25
I appreciate this so much. I've been watching some of your videos, and I'm really quite honoured that you asked me to talk to you. Thank you.
James Laughlin 01:33
No, thank you. And so you're coming in there after a long day. You've got a little one there probably tucked up in bed. So tell me what does the day look like in the life of Pabi?
A DAY IN A LIFE OF PABI MOLOI
Pabi Moloi 01:43
Oh, first of all, tucked up in bed in which household because the tablets and the screens and the YouTube and the television. And But yeah, I wake up about 4am every day, Monday to Monday, and get ready for the day. During the week it's for the television show. So I'm a very big pedantic organiser, everything's being ironed set out, the earring matching the shirt, matching the trouser, matching the shoe and the sock, everything is laid out for me the night before, by me. And, and so I do everything that I need to do for the morning to get ready and off I go to the morning show which I host. And that can go on until about midday. The show itself ends at 830 in the morning, but then we do all sorts of pre production and pre shows and shoots for the next day. And then I kick into mom mode, fetch from school, go to activities, do whatever needs to happen there. Today, I actually put up on my Instagram, I was making smoothies, because I don't think he's getting enough green veggies. And I figured out you have to hide them, James, you have to hide them. So I was hiding the spinach in with the peaches and grapes.
James Laughlin 03:04
I've seen that video I laughed.
Pabi Moloi 03:08
So yeah, then it's kind of, you know, normal life on the weekend, it's just slightly different because I do a radio show early in the morning.
James Laughlin 03:20
That's huge. That's a huge day and super early start. And it's interesting because a lot of the high performers that I've talked to in sport, business, politics, entertainment, the one thing they all have in common is that they get up super early, and they're into it before the rest of the world gets started. So with that obviously comes a lot of self discipline, and self self control. So what are some of your your self care habits? Like certainly for me, I'm up early as well. So for me, it's meditation, exercise and so forth. What are some of the things that you do that help you to maintain that high performance?
HOW TO MAINTAIN HIGH PERFORMANCE
Well, exercise has been a revolution in my life. I was the kid who was quite proud at school not to be involved in any extramural sporting activities. And I would say that my sports are choir and drama that's the sport that I do. And once I discovered exercise at about the age of 24, my entire life changed everything in my life changed. From how I feel, my mood levels, my energy levels, concentration, being able to work through problems every day, being able to actually sort the jumble and the voices in my mind. Exercise revolutionised my life. It really did. I can't recommend it enough. So I tried to do that as often as I can. If I can get a run in five days a week, then, I'm very proud. Otherwise, you know, as much as I can do. I will say I have had to pull myself back from being overly pressurised in that space and then I don't meditate, per se, but I enjoy using affirmations, I love using affirmations. So, as I'm making the school lunch, as I'm puttering around in the garden, as I'm doing other things, I'll be using affirmations in my headphones, I find that, what we speak is obviously so, so powerful. And I need to continuously retrain my mind. Because triggers happen, triggers come and, you know, in a day like mine, and with a career like mine, I can be dealing with four or five different things at the same time to put out and so I need to give myself a little bit of alone and quiet time. And, you know, just 10 minutes when it's too much. And I give myself that quiet. And then you know, all the regular things that people do boss, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, I love all of that stuff. And really, I find that it's the stuff that's from the inside out, that is the most effective, it's the stuff that's self motivated. And that cares for me, rather than kind of creates a veneer of Okay, we're inside our mind, nothing.
James Laughlin 06:18
That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. And I have to say that we did chat before the show, but you emanate joy, and I can just see it. And it's in your being it's in the way you speak, the way you talk the way you stand. Like, it's just there. And these affirmations are powerful. I know not everybody uses affirmations, or I call them incantations.
Incantations! I'm sorry, because this Carry on, carry on, carry on. Because it does feel like that. It feels like you are conjuring something, there is magic in it. And I think when you talk about incantation, or magic, people get a bit weirded out. But I feel like it's all magic.
James Laughlin 06:59
I 100% agree. And I work with high performance clients. So whether they're CEOs or their athletes, and one thing we do, as we talk about in CAN tations versus in CAN'T ations, and a lot of us say, you know, I don't want to be this, I don't want to be poor, or I don't want to be overweight, or whatever it might be. I don't want to be unsuccessful, but it's so important that we go to incantations and that positive psychology of I am enough. I know I'm overflowing, I am joyful, I'm abundant. But it's the way that you say them. So for people out there that haven't experienced affirmations, where do you go to get them? Do you have a specific app? Or do you create them yourself and listen to yourself, say them about yourself?
So to your point about inCAN'T versus inCAN, one of the stories I often tell is, once I really started getting into the exercise habits, I realised that I was actually getting sad, after working out or during working out and the foresight to just kind of tell myself to listen to myself. And while I was on that treadmill, I was saying these fat thighs got to get rid of this stomach, what is this feel that as you run systems, if that's not, you know, and I was really pulling myself down with inCANTations, which I thought okay, but the worst I feel about how I look, the more I'll do something about it. But overall, it was bringing me down and actually demotivating him. So to answer your question, it's varied, it comes from what I imagine for myself, so in our country, crime safety can be quite a challenge. And so I have a lot about my safety, our safety, I'm safe and protected. I'm carried through every situation with safety. And then there's Louise Hay, you can't talk about affirmations without talking. Great. So you know, I am energetic and vital at every age. And I am loved, I am you able. I mean, what's been really fun James is is bringing it down to a four year olds level. And you know, I'm a good kid, I'm worthy, I'm helpful, I'm kind. And then I think to myself, that feels nice for me to I'm helpful, I'm kind. And so it varies. And with technology, it's really great because every single YouTube you know, kind of positive resource has something that you can use, you can pick and choose.
James Laughlin 10:00
100% and that's, that's amazing for parents out there. So I've also got a little four year old boy, and the things that we say and doing the things that we encourage them to say and do, it just has such a massive impact on their brain development and their social development. So I love that I'm going to try that with Finn actually try some affirmations with,
yeah, it become quite a trend at the moment as well. I've seen so many authors release affirmation cards for children, affirmation books for children, really understand how impactful what we say to our children is, and how impactful what they say about themselves is, so it's become more of a trend than ever before now, for authors and publishers to release affirmation cards and books for children. I think, especially in the South African context, we've had so much through colonialism and through our history that has been told to us so the record in us as, as South Africans, and that comes from experience. And I'd imagine, you know, why South African experience these very specific ideas of who we are and what our roles are. And I think more and more we're becoming so comfortable while becoming uncomfortable with that, that we can see how important it is to be quite deliberate inhow we affect the record that plays in our children's minds.
ON LEADERS SHE LOOK UP TO
James Laughlin 11:30
100%. And it's so important, you know, that we look at leaders, and we've all got people we look up to, and how much their wording, their behaviours, their leadership affects the way we carry ourselves, the way we view the world and form our beliefs. So in South Africa, if you look back across your your lifetime, who would you say have been one or two instrumental leaders in your life and help you to form beliefs and opinions of how you fit into the world?
Oh, man, that is huge. That is really huge, because our history is unbelievably rich, in terms of its kind of pre colonial chieftains and kings who changed how, you know how things like war happened and riots if you go back to Shaka Zulu, and you understand the kinds of ways that he made the Zulu Kingdom what it is, and then you look at the women who are surrounding the Queen Mother and Nandi, you know, people who surrounded him and you understand that real sense of believing in your power from some of those role models. And then all the way down to kind of more modern role models. For me, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela was always somebody who I looked at as a firebrand that I would always want to align how I operate in the world. In that non apologetic, afraid of very little, and very kind of autonomous in my pattern. So whether I am so and so's wife, so and so's mother, whatever that is, that's fine. But I am who I am, first and foremost. But I think that the most impactful role models are the people who are immediately in your surroundings, your family, my mother, you know, when you look at my CV, my resume, my accolades, my awards, my things, my mother's done all of that and more. My mother was a singer, television presenter, a model actress, won awards across every single thing that she's done. She's the one who just is looking after my little boy right now, she's always been able to be a full time present mom, and a full time present superstar in the world. And I think sometimes we can look at the external role models, and we see, you know, a PR story, right, but you're not with them when they stub their toe. Or when you know, there's no money for electricity. You're not with him dealing with those nitty gritty life things. And I think that's where you really learn about how to conduct yourself in the world and how to live and so for me, it's, it's all of the women who raised me, my grandmother, my mom, my aunt, those are the most instrumental humans in in creating who I am.
James Laughlin 14:44
That's amazing. And they should be so proud. And you should be so proud. I mean, you are an individual, a woman, a leader who inspires me and I look at you, there's an aura about you, you walk with confidence. And when you speak, it's with conviction, and you know who you are and That's so rare and so beautiful. And you are a shining light for so many people, male and female. So I'm really inspired by you.
We need to talk more often. Maybe record this and send it to me, I feel so picked up, thank you.
James Laughlin 15:16
You're amazing. And tell me this, what in the last 8-10 years, so in your adult life, as your career has been picking up, as you become a mum, what have been one or two of your greatest challenges that you've had to overcome.
ON HER STRUGGLE AS A WORKING MOM
Pabi Moloi 15:30
So, I think top of mind, I want to say, just being able to juggle everything. But I don't think that that's actually what the issue is, I think the issue is how I feel when I'm in each one of my roles. So that mom guilt is a real thing. And I've never been a dad, so I can't say being away from him, just breaks my heart. And in those very early days, when I had to go back to work, it was challenging. And then, you know, during COVID, I wasn't working as much and I was home. And I thought, you know, the new PlayStation 5 is gonna come out. And, you know, this is Oh, and you know, the sneakers, oh my gosh, I should be what I should be hustling harder, so that I can do these things. So being uncomfortable and not happy exactly where I am. And that was something that I've really had to find congruence with myself just to go. I'm not giving either or any of the roles that I play, the best of me if I'm not able to just accept where I am and what I do. And that's a journey. And I think that that's going to be something that consistently needs to shift and consistently needs my heart to kind of get stronger in different spaces as my child needs different things. But I will say this, I have been so well supported. And I'm unbelievably grateful for my support system, my family, and even down to the men that I work with, who have run some of the companies that I've been working with, who've always been ultra supportive, giving me the time that I need the space that I need opportunities to explore and to grow and to make mistakes. Because really, that's what you want, you want to be treated. The same, right? Is that very ambitious woman that I was pre Baby, I'm still that very ambitious woman. And so have it, but I have different circumstances, right? So so just having that support system has made a huge, huge difference, and a massive difference. And then you know, having a circle of of working moms, who I can refer to and have an understanding of what they've gone through having walked this path before me also makes a very big difference. And also sometimes just to moan with each other with all of the normal stuff makes a very big difference.
James Laughlin 18:15
I love that. Yeah, sometimes we just got a letter date and have a group around us that we can feel safe. You mentioned that just being feeling in a safe space. And I guess that relates not only to our adult lives, but you know, as kids. Kids just want to know that they're safe, to be themselves to have outbursts to have tantrums. I mean, you've got a four year old, I don't know about yours, but my guy he challenges me he has massive ups and massive downs and but he knows he's safe to do so.
That's one of the things that I had to learn through various means I am a what should I call myself? a course-aholic, a webinar addict. I will attend anything I can get a certificate for I am there. So you know from, from my pregnancy, I did all the prenatal I did seven full weeks of prenatal classes. And then right from birth, I was there with baby massage, how to soothe the child how to do this. We did sign language so that before he's verbal, we'd be able to understand each other. I did all of these things. Look that some of them take roots. Some of them don't take roots, but I really enjoy the process of learning about what it is that I'm most passionate about. And through some of these courses that I've been doing, and these learning spaces that I've allowed myself to be and I learned that you know, that moment when the child gets into the car is the most important time after school, because they've held it together all day with the rules. And you know, having to speak a certain way. And even if your table mates is irritating, you can't just pop them in the head, you have to keep it together and follow, you know, and once they're in the car, they can just exhale, and let it out. And at this age, yes, it sometimes comes out as as tantrums as screaming as whining, have you experienced?
James Laughlin 20:31
I've experienced lots of that. Lots.
Lots of whining. And I've started to take it as a badge of honour that my little one does feel safe around me to the point where he can have a meltdown if he needs to, and work through what needs to be worked through, or just to hold the space or just hold him whatever is necessary. And that's been a beautiful learning curve. Because I think that, you know, if you, I operate in a space of excellence in my, in my work in things that I do, and one would instantly assume that to be an excellent parent is to have this smart robotically articulate, you know, amazing in all scenarios, quick study picks everything up perfectly, always behaves but it's not that it's not that at all, and it's been, it's been really freeing to learn that and to accept that it's just, it's gonna be what it is gonna be what it is. And it's okay. As long as I'm okay. It's okay.
James Laughlin 21:42
That's beautiful. Yeah, I chatted, we were chatting just before I mentioned that chatted with a child psychologist, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe from Vancouver. And she was just saying that it's really important that we remember that our kids are not little, many adults. They're not fully formed, their brain is developing and, you know, social development, brain development, emotional development, all of that. It takes time. And they have she said, like a two year old will scream, you know, a four year old or to use some words that are hurtful, and maybe profanities. a nine year old will throw a meltdown in a supermarket and look like a three year old. And that's normal. An 11 year old to a 15 year old will go silent and not talk. And she says that those are normal things. But often we try to parent predicated on how other parents think we should be parenting. And so they're more like, you know, telling our two year old to start screaming or our four year old and, you know, you're an awful kid for swearing. But actually, that's just part of the process. And if we can forget about what other people think, then life is so much more simple.
Yes. It is said and done. But you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And and what I've also come to accept is that I'm learning. So in as much as he's never been here before, I'm going to be the mom before. And then mom to him in particular. So absolutely, as a
James Laughlin 23:04
way to look at it. I understand. I always say I'm a rookie dad, like every day. It's the first day of this stage of his life. And I know nothing about what's getting thrown my way. So I'm totally a standard and far from an expert.
Yeah, absolutely. But I'm enjoying it so much. You know, I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, I always knew I you know, I've always had this duality where I am quite assertive, I'm a certain way in the world. I've always known what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it. And I didn't ever let anything stop me. And but at the same time, I knew that I was so so maternal. And I wanted to have the experience the entire experience that my body could give me even I wanted to have that. And, you know, I have a younger brother who's 17 years, my junior. And then the things and the way that I gave him my attention and my love. I just knew it solidified the fact that I wanted so badly to have my own one day, and I have my son, you know, late in life I was 32 and you know, just before I remember my incantations and my prayers were that if it's not to be then take that feeling away from me. Don't let me walk through great or feeling like something's missing, take it away from me fully. And I know that in time very soon I will be you know, creating spaces where I can look after other babies because that's something that I really want to do. And then feeling didn't go away man it didn't go away. It didn't go away and circumstances then you know, became this beautiful baby and and so I know that I, personally have always been geared to do this job. And my name Babalo in as a sort of language of South Africa. And the country that sort of says Sosoto and Babalo means to take care of, the caretaker, the conserver. And that's what I really feel like I was here to do, there's such a real alignment, in in this part of my life that perfect.
James Laughlin 25:40
There's so much you've got so much clarity around your meaning of being a mom. And I think that so many of us parents don't have a space where we take the time to think about what does it mean to be a mom? What does it mean to be a dad? So that's so inspiring to hear you say that, like you know that you are here to be a parent, and you know what it means to you? And that that's phenomenal. It's very rare. And when you think of your little boy, you know, what, what do you hope for him? What do you hope for his future?
Pabi Moloi 26:10
That's a huge question, isn't it? You know, we all initially want our children to be healthy with the 10 fingers and 10 toes. And then as time goes on, and, you know, I want him to be safe, and I'm wanting to be able to kind of advocate for himself and be a strong person in the world. But really, I wanting to have self love. I really want my son to be able to be operating from a base of just self respect and self love. Because he's highly intelligent. But if he decides he wants to be a great nothing that I can do, to stop him from his passions, and I think that that's fine, you know, I want him to be able to operate in a space where he respects his skills, his talent, his masculinity, his sensitivity, I really would like, I'd like to be able to pat myself on the back one day and say, like, you know what, we got that, right, we've got that, right.
ON HER LEGACY
James Laughlin 27:25
You're so intentional with, with what you want for your child. And you've proved across your life, when you put your mind to things that you do really well. And you're a high performer through and through. So I love that you've got an intention. And when you look at your own life, because I do firmly believe and I've chatted a few parenting experts and psychologists that often when a child comes into our life, we kind of drop a lot of other things around us. And sometimes we end up dropping some of our passions. You know, when my little boy came along, I decided to retire from drumming. So I was a competitive drummer for many years, and decided that's enough of that. And it was pretty instantaneous. I decided this, this little dude is my priority. And I have zero regrets. But I think it's important to always maintain a glint in our eye for something we're passionate about. So if we were to think about your life, what's your vision for your life? What if you think about a legacy? You know what I want to be remembered for? What What does that look like?
That's amazing. I really believe that nothing happens by coincidence. And so this conversation is perfectly timed. I was just thinking about that today, having started a new job moving into a new space. And one of the the preachers that I was listening to was talking about how you know, as you transition into new spaces, and try to do some of the old things you used to do, they used to put that glint in your eye, and it just doesn't anymore. Sometimes you can feel a failure, sometimes you can be, you know, overwhelmed and confused. And she was saying, it just means that this is the time to dig deep and find something that means more not necessarily the next thing but find something that means more and so I'm in that space, I'm going to be 100% truthful with you that I'm in that space right now, where for four years, my entire focus has been on on raising this little one. And I'm kind of coming back in many ways. And it's exciting. It's very, very exciting. Because I remember some of the dreams and goals that I would write in my journal as a teenager, right? And how I wanted to impact people's lives. I want to be able to create and curate a space where people would be able to share their lived experience. They'd be able to ask for help. They'd be able to get help and and we do it in a way that is entertaining and that is not out of reach. Because I'm sure you've been in those spaces where everybody just seems so they're floating on clouds, they're so enlightened, you know, wow and all those sort of things. And I instantly feel shut out of that situation, I don't feel like, either that's not real or then is there something wrong with me. And I know that there isn't, and I just want to be very authentic creates very authentic, deliberate spaces for people like myself who've overcome who've been searching and seeking all their lives. And so that's the legacy that I'd like to create underneath. So I have one or two ideas about how I'd like to do it. And you know, as you put the things out, and you talk about them, or think about them, or dream about them, or even Google them. And it's not just because they're tracking everything we Google. But, you know, these opportunities are creating themselves. So I would like to create a wellness space where mothers, in particular can come with a children and have a retreat, have a week long, kind of luxury, self healing experience. So there'll be Reiki healers, and there'll be meditation spaces, and there'll be great food. And there'll be a space for the children to also be because I know that that can be an issue, right, you want to take it to the one on what you don't have the capacity to leave them for a week, or whatever it is. So that's one of the ideas that's percolating at the moment, which will probably be my nice retirement vibe. And I'll go and sit down somewhere and I am a healer, I know that I feel that. And I know, that's why I keep attracting certain things into my life. And that I keep creating certain connections in my life. And that's where I'd like to go. So before that, maybe the talk show, maybe I should just actually get serious, and just have my talk show and do that. Which, you know, one will lead into another.
James Laughlin 32:16
Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's inspiring. And the one word that you were using there made me think of magnetism. And it's, you know, that vision that you've got for all these moms in the wellness, that you're not, like, pushing towards that, you know, you're not pushing you're, you're literally being pulled towards it, i's a magnetism. And to me that, that's when you're starting to find your purpose and your sense of being when when something's pulling you like motherhood, like for fatherhood, I just, I knew I had to be a data, it's like, it's a pool, it's not, you know, pushing to try, just, you know, you get pulled into it.
Yeah, and I find that often, the things that become the most mean, other things that you kind of fall into, you kind of settle into, and because of that magnetism, and I feel, I feel more awake to it and attuned to it now, more than ever, so I can see, when something is starting to overtake me, that is going to move me in the direction that I need, or that I would like to go into, and I can start engaging that. And then on the other side, I can definitely feel the things that I'm not supposed to be a part of. And that can become quite challenging, because your entire persona is rooted in this particular thing. I'm a bodybuilder, you know, drink my protein shakes, I'm strong. I'm okay, that's it. And one day, that is not who you are, you are supposed to teach yoga, but your muscles are short, because you've been building so long. So it's hard. And that's confronting and that's sometimes what I'm coming up against in this very, very interesting time where, oh, oh, this thing that used to be the thing is now no longer it. And, and so I'm, I'm just trying to have fun with it. I'm just trying to have a good time with it.
James Laughlin 34:08
I love it.
Pabi Moloi 34:09
I move gently through it.
ON MEDITATION & REIKI HEALING
James Laughlin 34:11
You have like a ribbon to you as teams, I went from the outside looking in, there's a rhythm to that process, and you're just letting it go and you're letting it build. And I know there's gonna be a lot of people out there that haven't kind of experienced or dabbled in looking at healing and chakras and all these different beautiful ways meditation and incantations. So for someone that's totally new to and fresh to, and they're maybe thinking on a very big vanity metrics or thinking about life in a very one dimensional viewpoint. How can they start that journey? Because you're way down that journey and you're doing some really cool things in that space for yourself and your family? How could someone take the first step to learning a little bit more about Reiki or meditation or visualisation chakras? Where's a good place to start a book or a video or something? Nothing like that you might recommend.
That's very interesting. Um, I think the first thing is acknowledging that self awareness, acknowledging that hang on, I've been thinking in this little box, feeling there's something more. And then following way you feel would be the most comfortable, right? You're not going to deep dive into the very, very deep spiritual stuff. I think, you know, one of the first things that I ever did as a teenager was I read that amazing book by Steven Covey, about The Seven Habits, and he has the teenage version. And it's about getting into a rhythm and a habit of being curious about yourself being curious about how you think being curious about what some of the kind of natural reactions you have to things are and how to assess whether they're working or not. So that curiosity is possibly the first place to start. And then resources are the law. I mean, if you find one person whose journey you enjoy, for example, I love Jennifer Lopez, look at my outfit. It's even inspired by Jennifer Lopez
James Laughlin 36:24
I love it. It's beautiful.
Thank you. And, and so she talks about some of these things, you know, she talks about some of the affirmations and ways that she's moved through life, understanding that other people's opinions, for example, necessarily what she needs to believe, right? so if you find a person who you relate to you enjoy, who's walking this path, you'll see similarities and how that influences will speak to you as well. That's the advice I gave, I think.
James Laughlin 36:57
it's great advice. So for any people that are watching this or listening to this, they could be following you. And you could be that role model for them because you're doing the trick. And I always think when someone is so far, like say, a guru, who's so far down the spiritual track, sometimes it's really hard to relate like Ram Dass is an amazing guru, or was an amazing guru. But he was so far down the spiritual track, it's hard to relate and see yourself in it. But when someone's like, 10 steps ahead, or 20 steps ahead, they are cool. I get I can relate to them, I can see where they struggled, see what they were looking for. So I think for a lot of people, you might be actually an amazing guidepost for them to follow. So keep up the amazing work.
Um, but yeah, you know, and it's literally just because I listen to the law of people who I feel might be on a similar vibration to where I want to be. And who's the British man who's a comedian, Russell Brand, Sometimes I need to sit with my dictionary while I'm listening to Russell Brand.
James Laughlin 38:05
I always hit pause what does that mean? Like I'm trying to figure it out.
And so Russell Brand's really good. And this guy. Pete Holmes has a nice podcast called You Made It Weird. We I mean, because literally, you go into these weird spaces in spirituality and in seeking. And so he talks to all sorts of people. And of course, I mean, the queen, Oprah, she's gonna hook you up with all the different types of interesting people.
ON LIFE ON PURPOSE
James Laughlin 38:35
Absolutely. She is the queen. And yes, she was probably a big influence on me and my teenage years in Ireland. Just watching what she did and who she spoke to in the book that she created the she's a massive inspiration. I love it. I've got one last question if we've got time. What does living life on purpose look like to you?
It means being relentless. Moving towards and being what is best for me, right? So being relentless in what is best for me. And so, you know, my absolute foundational purpose is being the most healthy, sane, calm, you know, sober person, that I can be the best version of myself and being relentless in keeping what needs to be kept out out and making sure that I absorb what needs to be. Because that then influences whether I'm excellent work, whether I'm excellent, you know, in my relationships or as a mother so being absolutely kind of, you know, relentlessly in pursuit. Always have the highest version that the best for me.
James Laughlin 40:04
That's something that's so succinct, and yet so profound. And if you don't mind me, me adding this in, you mentioned the word sober. So for the last year, almost a year, and coming up to 360 days old, and alcohol free. So it's been a journey, being an Irish guy, people have this idea that Irish people, they love to drink and party, and yeah, they're not far wrong. But I decided that, you know, hey, a couple of drinks every day is actually quite damaging. It's very surface level that you don't really notice it, but you're not operating at this level, you're operating like here. And sometimes those couple drinks on the weekend would turn into four or five drinks. And then you normalise that. So for me, it was okay, I got to make a shift and a conscious decision to change my relationship with alcohol. So for yourself, what was your experience in your journey to getting to that point.
So I have, have had kind of close to 10 or 11 years of sobriety, I've got someone else 23. And I've had short that we call the relapses over the years, but in total, I've been in the recovery community for that amount of time, and I will really, you know, if I wasn't in recovery, if I didn't put the bottle down, of this would exist, I don't even think I would be alive. Addiction is such a dark beast. It's voracious, it's hungry, it wants to destroy. And I saw that way back when I was 23. And, and recently, I started thinking maybe I can just, you know, have a champagne or have a, you know, party or whatever it was. And I saw it becoming a bit of a coping mechanism again, very, very quickly. And, and so we nip that in the bud quite quickly. And yeah, so I'm also coming up on a year, sober, I'm very, very excited about that again, and it really is one of the foundational spaces also for you know, gaining as much knowledge and as possible because when you learn about the, the 12 steps, for example, you learn about how acknowledging that there is an issue is the pletely humbling and surrendering post to healing, you know, if you're in denial about anything, you know, there's no way that you can, you can tackle it, so that for me, it's been a really, really big deal. You know, connecting with my higher power has been a really big deal. And then also being able to pay it forward and work with other people in our community as being mind blowingly important, you know, getting out of my own soap opera that I create every day and makes a really big difference. Sobriety comes highly recommended.
James Laughlin 43:21
Yeah, so high five to that.
Absolutely, really, and even if it isn't, because you have wrecked your life, even if it is, you know, a month that you decide, okay, this is going to be a month where I assess if this is actually adding to my life or taking me away from my life. I think food goes into that category, excessive, you know, gambling goes into their category. And even working too much goes into that category. I'm really big proponent of variety finding pause in your life to really assess and look at what's working and what's not working.
James Laughlin 44:04
That's so powerful. And I know, Pabi there's gonna be a lot of parents out there. And the one thing that we kind of joke about a normalising kind of socialise is that at the end of a hard day, you've worked and your kids have been tantrums and left, right and centre, you deserve a glass of wine, like that's a big thing, certainly in New Zealand, Ireland, Canada, countries that have spent time and it's like, Hey, this is what parents do. But I love what you're saying. They actually there's another option out there, there's a choice, and it's a healthier choice and for the long term got better clarity, better health, better mindset. So I acknowledge you I know it's it's a tricky journey, because when you're at parties, or you're celebrating milestones, we're told that we should have a champagne or we should have a beer or whatever so that's it's a really admirable journey. So keep on doing it.
And to you, I wish you sobriety as long as it's something that you really want. I really wish it for you and everybody who is Walking this journey where as Billy become normalised, but it's kind of become stigmatised not to be popping bottles and having a beer at the barbecue, you know, it's a very bizarre space that we're in. And yeah, look, I just, I can't recommend it enough. I really can't recommend it enough, especially when you have little ones.
James Laughlin 45:25
Totally, absolutely, well Pabi. I just want to say a heartfelt thank you for connecting. You're an amazing human and post COVID. I'm looking forward to getting to South Africa and actually connecting with you. Thank you so much for listening in today and investing in your own personal growth. Please hit that subscribe button. I would love Love, love. If you'd leave me a rating and review that really helps me impact more people. I've got some amazing guests lined up in the coming weeks. And folks, it's that time. Get out there and live life on purpose.